Stuff I Find

The Boy and The Girl have taken to walking to school in the morning. Originally, The Dad and I had approved only The Boy for this privilege/responsibility, but one day last week, The Girl wanted to walk and The Tot Who's Not wanted to drive, so I let my little rule-follower accompany her big brother on the walk to school. I suspect this enthusiasm for walking (and early morning brotherly-sisterly affection) will drop when the temperatures do, but for now, I'm enjoying The Boy's and The Girl's newfound independence.

It also gives me some one-on-one time with The Tot Who's Not. While I wasn't at all teary-eyed on The Tot's first (or fifth) day of K drop-off, I'm still feeling a bit lost without a little partner in crime. I find myself flirting with babies on the train, or sympathizing with other mothers at the grocery store. I'm starting to understand why generations of women begin pestering their daughters to have children as soon as they get married. I have to wait another 20+ years for grand babies? (Please let me wait at least another 15 years for grand babies...) I suppose I could nanny, but given my views of childbearing, I doubt anyone would hire me.

So I find myself ready to enjoy snippets of time with my youngest child -- such as in the car on the way to school. Yesterday, we stopped to salvage a dresser from the curbside trash. The Tot Who's Not has watched me do this often enough; he waited patiently while I found space for 5 drawers and the case piece itself. Once we were back on our way, I thanked him for his patience. He told me he has a lot of patience.

After he was safely with his class, I went home to unload the car and inspect my find. While some may be horrified by my trash-picking ways, they are probably not on the low-budget side of Apartment Therapy's readers. I get a kind of acquisitive or satisfied high when I find something usable or pretty in the alley. I didn't realize this before now, but it's apparently a trend to do this. I'm not brave enough to look inside cans or dumpsters. I'm pretty sure that Chicago residents, like those of other large cities such as NYC , Philly, or their environs, leave large pieces outside the cans for this reason. I know it's the reason that I left my broken-down Mac Volo stroller outside after a recent garage clean-out.

Like these writers, I get a thrill in finding something useable and unique in the alleyways around my neighborhood. Over the years, I've managed to amass two wooden chairs, one sewing table, an IKEA dresser, a teak side table, a giant wooden built-in cabinet, a chair and a half, two storagalooza bins, a white toy bin, a wooden rung ladder, cabinet doors, two IKEA wooden storage units, a wooden nightstand, a 1905 oak interior door, and a wooden file bin. Some things I've since given away via freecycle. Others have become projects in The Boy's and The Girl's nascent interest in woodcraft. The rest have been repaired, painted, refinished, or recovered in some fashion and put to use in our tiny Chicago Foursquare. Or, in the case of this week's finds, are in my garage awaiting their transformation. There are many things that I do better than this, but this is not a bad way to feed my creative soul or familial predisposition to putter. I do have a couple of rules for how I find and treat my alleyway treasures:

- do not pick up upholstery, carpets, or other soft items

- do not sand painted or stained wood

- air out all items in the garage for a bit

- inspect everything in the alley and when home to determine what/how to fix

- clean everything with hot water and/or vinegar and/or oxyclean before it comes inside

- list it on freecycle if I don't love it and/or use it within a year

Look for a "stuff I found" tag soon.

Who needs breakfast? I got math to do.

Last week, WBEZ's Schools on the Line with Jean-Claude Brizard had an unusual twist: the CEO of Chicago Public Schools would answer questions only from the kids. The Boy, The Girl, and I tuned in to hear what their peers would say. There were the expected parent-fed questions and complaints about the proposed longer school day, some awesome questions about selective enrollment high schools from current SEHS students themselves, and a particularly hairy question about the turnaround process from a Dyet student. Unfortunately for The Boy, they never got to his question on the line. 

I was genuinely surprised when The Boy said he wanted to call in. My kids generally groan when I mention any one of my pet causes, including the schools, education in general, their school, and various initiatives to benefit their school. The Boy told me his question before dialing in. And its content surprised me even more: why does his class have to have breakfast in the classroom (BIC)? 

When the BIC program launched at Disney II in the fall of 2009 (yes, it's always been a pioneer), The Boy was nonplussed by an extra breakfast/morning snack. I was irritated with CPS's paternalistic attitude and the stripping of what I feel is one of my parental rights: deciding what to feed my children. Fast forward a year when CPS rolled out BIC districtwide and the debate began anew in fall 2010. Both The Boy and The Girl were unbothered by BIC. Sometimes they ate it, sometimes they didn't, they said. They also reported that it was just another part of their day. And I let it go. 

Now, as it turns out, The Boy is annoyed for  BIC for reasons that have everything to do with learning. He told the WBEZ operator that he doesn't like BIC because it cuts into his math class.

I find this admission amazing for a number of reasons -- some to do with The Boy's personality and some to do with my own perceptions of what his school day is like. What I find most amazing is that a kid who spends 7.5 hours each day at school is so excited about learning that he wants to eliminate the minutiae to get to the learning faster. I mean this is a kid that I had to cleave off my leg every morning for the first six weeks of his kindergarten year. 

Certainly, this story that The Boy can be somewhat fickle in his opinions. He's not the only one--history is rife with such "flip-flops" to use modern political parlance. And I'm not suggesting that we should base policy or practice on the opinion of one child. (This is also why, in my opinion, we should not use student feedback or classroom performance in teacher evaluations.) However, that The Boy changed his mind on BIC (as he did on a 7.5-hour day) is progress for his own little person, about whom few would use the word "flexible."

Urbanism and Child Safety

I've never really thought my parenting "style" or outlook was very different than the norms for my age, socioeconomic group or educational background. Sure, I made some parenting decisions that were a bit different than the national norms (cloth diapering, breastfeeding beyond 3 months) and even familial ones (ahem, circumcision). But after nearly two years on NPN, an active paid community of Chicago(land) parents, I've come to the conclusion that my point of view on parenting topics, especially as they relate to child safety, is outside the norm.

My neighbor, an avid reader of the same site, recently congratulated me on my status as "worst mother in America," as judged by our fellow NPN mothers. I leave my children in the (non-running, locked) car for less than 10 minutes while I drop off my dry-cleaning, pick up their sibling from a playdate at a friend's house, and even when I desperately need a caffeine shot at my local Starbucks. My opponents contend that such practices are dangerous. Something could happen to the car while I am gone. "Something"could happen to the car while I am in it.

Don't misunderstand me: I am not a risk-taker by nature, and I am utterly horrified by violence or abuse to a child (or anyone). I've been fortunate not to have experienced it firsthand, and that may guide my perspective. But I refuse to live in fear and I don't want to make my children unnecessarily anxious either. I have not yet read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear; I understand that his point is that you should trust the sense of fear or uneasiness you get about some people or situations. I totally understand that, and think it makes sense. But I refuse to look for it, especially in situations where it may not be there.

Recently, two separate NPN posts asked about related issues: how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the restroom in a public place, such as Target? And how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the locker room at the pool? Note that the questions were worded in this way, which suggests that this behavior (taking opposite-sex child with you) is desired, versus the way I would have asked them: At what age is it OK to allow your opposite-sex child to use the restroom in a public place and/or use the opposite-sex change room?

The prevailing view on NPN was that it's OK until your boy is age 9. Nine? Are they kidding? That's the same age that Lenore Skenazy's son was when she left him at a Manhattan Bloomingdale's with $20 and a subway map.

The Boy is 8. He's been peeing at the local Target since he was 6. And I've been saying the same thing every time he goes in: don't talk to anyone, don't let anyone touch you and scream like hell if someone tries to touch you. No one ever has.

While stories like this one are frightening, I wish more parents would take it for what it is: fear-mongering. Yes, it happened and yes it was horrible, but it's also exceedingly rare (or statistically insignificant) for children to be molested by strangers (in a bathroom or otherwise). The data does not support the idea that something was likely to happen to The Boy today when we found ourselves at the end of an L ride in the Thompson Center with full bladders and a cross-town appointment in 10 minutes. While using the restroom in the basement of the Thompson Center has never been my top restroom destination, you get what you get sometimes. Our experience bore out the stats: no problems.

What do you think? How tight should we keep the reins on our children? Is the risk of harm greater for city kids? Does it depend on where in the city?

1883

Today, I took a field trip with The Boy's class to the Naper Settlement. Despite the fact that Grandma & Grandpa Naperville have lived in Illinois's second largest city for 20+ years (and I've been married to their son for 11 of them), I'd never been to Naper Settlement before today.

A walking history museum, Naper Settlement is sited on what is left of George Martin's expansive 1883 acreage. It's like Illinois's version of Colonial Williamsburg, but smaller and forward in time by about a century. We started the tour with the Martin Mitchell house, a circa 1883 brick-and-limestone building described to our little group as "the smart house of 1890." I learned a few interesting little tidbits in our 4-hour ramble around the grounds, including the fact that the Spanish silver dollar was once the standard monetary increment and two-bits is actually 1/8th of said coin (or 12 1/2 cents). Grandma Naperville met us there, and we had a nice visit with her as well as with the other chaperones in The Boy's class. The kids were well-behaved and seemed to have a great time.

Trials of the Working Mum #2

Fatigue. I don't know if it's an earlier school time, a later bed time, or just a general lack of time, but we're all just plain tired in our house these days. The Tot, who still takes a 1-3-hour nap, is the glaring exception to this. But The Girl is a disaster most days when I arrive home around 6 p.m. and cramming in dinner, books, and at least 1/2 an hour of homework is certainly not helping. The Tot likes to fart around in his crib before he goes to sleep each night--but only if I stay in the room with him. I can no longer recall where I read this (there's that fatigue component coming into play again), but I seem to remember reading a quote from some child-development expert (Burton White? Dr. Sears? Marc Weissbluth?) that no person under the age of 35 can sleep during primetime hours, while no parent over the age of 30 can stay awake during those hours.

However, the immediate post-bedtime hour on a Friday or Saturday evening is really the only time that I get to talk--or listen--to The Boy. How else is a busy working mother with a busy, full-time student (although he's only not-quite seven) going to learn all the important facts about her child? Some things have changed in the first three months of school, some things have stayed the same.

The Boy: An Interview

Favorite color: Red. And blue and yellow and green.
Favorite food: crockpot BBQ chicken sandwiches (thanks Becky!)
Best friend: A. and Enver
Best friend who's a girl: A. and S.
Favorite subject in school: Writing. And also guided reading and science.
What he wants to be when he grows up: To study science and space (Me: "An astronomer?") No, a professor.

And here we go again...

It's nearly October 1, the date on which CPS school applications come out. The Girl is set to enter Kindergarten in Fall 2010, which means I'm about to climb back on the apply-test-and-wait roller coaster that is the CPS application process. Of course, I will apply and hope-like-hell that The Girl gets into Disney II via the sibling lottery, but I'd be a fool to put my daughter's education eggs all in one basket.

Someone recently asked me about my experience with Disney II, now that we're in Year Two. Here is what I wrote:

My neighbor and I joke that we feel like we really won the lottery because our kids got into Disney II. Seriously, it's a fantastic school with a great principal, a committed parent body, an even more committed teaching staff, and good resources. Since my 1st grader (The Boy) is my oldest child, I haven't had any first-hand experience with other CPS schools, but I am very happy with Disney II. I recently attended a parent meeting where the principal said that her goal is to make Disney II one of the top 10 elementary schools in CPS; I have no doubt that she'll do it.

The school mandate is to integrate technology and the arts. There seems to be a greater emphasis on the arts part of it, but whether this is actually true or a misperception on my part, I am actually fine with the inequality. We have more computers than children, so I have no doubt that my kids will get supplementary tech education at home. They have art, technology and gym twice/week and music once/week. Currently, the school's gym and music teachers are part-time, but if they can swing the budget, they'd like to hire them full time.

The curriculum also has a huge emphasis on literacy, which really appeals to me as a reader and writer myself. I do not know how it is at other schools, but at Disney II, the literacy component seems to be very well thought-out and developed. They are the only school in CPS (and I think within Illinois) to use the U. Chicago-developed STEP system. There is an emphasis not only on learning TO read, but on learning HOW to read.

In Kindergarten, The Boy had a harder time of it -- as did my friends' children who were in 1st and 2nd grade last year, but now that he's been trained in the Disney II way to learn, he's doing really well. Watching your kid learn how to read is one of the most daunting and amazing things I've seen as a parent. Last year, I had no idea how they were going to teach my kid how to read, but they've done it and I think he's doing well for his age/inclination. The school had a full-time literacy coordinator last year, but her title has shifted a bit and she is now the curriculum coordinator. She knows The Boy and The Girl and they know her. They also have a few special education coordinators, although The Boy and The Girl don't interact with them much.

Over the summer, the school developed an assessment and benchmarking system to use for their math curriculum. They do use everyday math, which I still don't quite understand. There's no formal math curriculum in K, and I'm only just getting into 1st grade, so I cannot really comment on the math component. There is a science part of the curriculum as well.

Finally, they use a looping/circular system to instruction, which I like because that is how The Boy learns. The school day is 1 hour longer than any other CPS school day. This allows them to make up instructional time missed for staff institute days, etc. and have a daily recess.

The overall vibe about the school is positive. This is a school whose parent population is overwhelmingly present, involved, and interested in their children's schooling. Students put on quarterly shows that integrate all the elements of a learning unit; the first one was last year in December and was SRO - they split them into 2 shows and they are still SRO events.

Our PTA was formed in November; we raised well over $16K last year for a gym sound system, gym mats, percussive instruments, and other things. Disney II is in its last year of funding from the Renaissance Foundation/Renaissance 2010 initiative. A corporate fundraiser for the Renaissance Foundation came to speak at an IAC meeting and said, "You can tell when you walk in the door whether a school works. Disney II works."

Look to the Left....

I decided to follow a neighbor/classmate's suggestion that we go to the Justin Roberts concert at Retro on Roscoe this afternoon, and took The Boy and The Girl there this afternoon while The Tot and The Dad stayed home to nap. Yes, both of them.

A $5 donation got us in the door, and it would have been a fantastic deal if I hadn't succumbed to the $5-per-kid all-access wristband for The Boy and The Girl to go through the bouncy castle and "play" mini golf. I know, I know, it's a fundraiser for Roscoe Village. We got there about 1:30 and waited in line for the bouncy obstacle course a couple of times before sitting down on the astroturf in front of the stage. We waited through about 20 minutes of soundchecks before Justin Roberts and his band reappeared in their nerd-cool wear to do his thing.

I turned to the left during JR's Picture Day song and saw at least 4 of my fellow Homewood-Flossmoor grads. I shouldn't have been so surprised; the last time I went to Retro, I ran into the late Nancy McLinden in front the same stage.

The Boy and The Girl listened and danced to most of JR's hour-long set, but he lost them to the bouncy castles before he finished. We stayed until about 4:30 before calling it quits. At that point, I was hot, tired, hungry, and bored standing in line by myself while the kids played.

School's Out for the Summer

And we celebrated by lots of crying and sassing, and a single swat on the bum for good measure. Ay yi yi yi, it's going to be a long summer.

Really, we zoomed out of school at 10 a.m. and headed up to Schaumburg to go to IKEA. We had tried to go on Thursday after our playdate with Melissa, but The Tot fell asleep and we abandoned the plan, so The Boy and The Girl really wanted to go today. We got there about 11:40 and went straight for lunch, then headed back down to Smalland, which was full with a crowd of kids waiting to get in. Apparently, everyone else had the same plan to go to IKEA rather than spend another day watching the rain and shivering, even though the weather surprised us with some sun and oppressive humidity.

So we wandered around and looked at dishes, bookcases, beds, as-is, outdoor stuff, and the kids' area. I bought only dishes and placemats. The Girl decided that it would be a good idea to ram the cart containing said dishes and The Tot into bookcases and glass partitions, and would not be deterred or restrained in her pursuit of this activity. That's how she got the bum swat. And did not get our regular post-IKEA ice-cream treat. No one did, although The Boy was really well behaved. And he took the ice cream news really well.

Afterward, we drove to U.S. Toys in Skokie to buy journaling notebooks for The Boy. I suggested that he keep an occasional journal about his summer adventures, and knew they'd have teaching materials of that nature. If anyone is interested, I'll transcribe his sentiments in his blog. US Toys also has lots of toys and art supplies; The Boy spent some of his allowance money on a Playmobil racecar and I spent a lot of mine on tempera paint, Shrinky Dinks for The Girl, a Toby train for The Tot, and various other things to keep everyone occupied during the down times.

Then we went home, stopping at Dominick's on Cumberland on the way for dinner fixins and right-now snacks.