Urbanism and Child Safety

I've never really thought my parenting "style" or outlook was very different than the norms for my age, socioeconomic group or educational background. Sure, I made some parenting decisions that were a bit different than the national norms (cloth diapering, breastfeeding beyond 3 months) and even familial ones (ahem, circumcision). But after nearly two years on NPN, an active paid community of Chicago(land) parents, I've come to the conclusion that my point of view on parenting topics, especially as they relate to child safety, is outside the norm.

My neighbor, an avid reader of the same site, recently congratulated me on my status as "worst mother in America," as judged by our fellow NPN mothers. I leave my children in the (non-running, locked) car for less than 10 minutes while I drop off my dry-cleaning, pick up their sibling from a playdate at a friend's house, and even when I desperately need a caffeine shot at my local Starbucks. My opponents contend that such practices are dangerous. Something could happen to the car while I am gone. "Something"could happen to the car while I am in it.

Don't misunderstand me: I am not a risk-taker by nature, and I am utterly horrified by violence or abuse to a child (or anyone). I've been fortunate not to have experienced it firsthand, and that may guide my perspective. But I refuse to live in fear and I don't want to make my children unnecessarily anxious either. I have not yet read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear; I understand that his point is that you should trust the sense of fear or uneasiness you get about some people or situations. I totally understand that, and think it makes sense. But I refuse to look for it, especially in situations where it may not be there.

Recently, two separate NPN posts asked about related issues: how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the restroom in a public place, such as Target? And how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the locker room at the pool? Note that the questions were worded in this way, which suggests that this behavior (taking opposite-sex child with you) is desired, versus the way I would have asked them: At what age is it OK to allow your opposite-sex child to use the restroom in a public place and/or use the opposite-sex change room?

The prevailing view on NPN was that it's OK until your boy is age 9. Nine? Are they kidding? That's the same age that Lenore Skenazy's son was when she left him at a Manhattan Bloomingdale's with $20 and a subway map.

The Boy is 8. He's been peeing at the local Target since he was 6. And I've been saying the same thing every time he goes in: don't talk to anyone, don't let anyone touch you and scream like hell if someone tries to touch you. No one ever has.

While stories like this one are frightening, I wish more parents would take it for what it is: fear-mongering. Yes, it happened and yes it was horrible, but it's also exceedingly rare (or statistically insignificant) for children to be molested by strangers (in a bathroom or otherwise). The data does not support the idea that something was likely to happen to The Boy today when we found ourselves at the end of an L ride in the Thompson Center with full bladders and a cross-town appointment in 10 minutes. While using the restroom in the basement of the Thompson Center has never been my top restroom destination, you get what you get sometimes. Our experience bore out the stats: no problems.

What do you think? How tight should we keep the reins on our children? Is the risk of harm greater for city kids? Does it depend on where in the city?

Vella Cafe

With The Dad and The Boy out of town with the car, I decided to take The Girl and The Tot on a little adventure on the L this morning. After a thorough read of good-for-kids brunch spots in Logan Square and Bucktown, I decided to hit Vella Cafe. To echo the Yelpers, it's hard to believe that this tiny building under the Western Avenue L stop could be so full of light, air and space, but it was. I ordered the polenta triangles for me for $8, a $3 side of scrambled eggs for The Tot, and a $4 cinnamon-sugar crepe for The Girl. Also ordered fresh-squeezed OJ ($3.50) for The Tot, fruit lemonade ($2) for The Girl, and an Olla something latte ($3) for me. With the exception of the cherry-lemonade, which was too sour for the The Girl, it was all good. The polenta-cheddar triangles were smothered in scrambled eggs, cheese, and salsa verde; yum! The Tot mostly ignored his eggies in favor of eating bits of The Girl's crepe (which she called a "grape" -- a good reminder to use the proper French for such words).

She asked me if I could make crepes at home. I told her I could, but I needed a special pan for it, and suggested we get back on the train to get to that store (Sur la Table). So we got back on the Blue Line, transferred to the Green Line (The Girl wanted to ride the Pink Line, but the green came along first), and then again to the Cubs-Fan-packed Red Line, disembarking at North & Clybourn. We headed over to Sur la Table for our $25 crepe pan (and $4 India Tree pink sanding sugar), then did a bit of impulse back-to-preschool (assuming there is PFA in the fall) shopping next door at the Carter's outlet. And then we went home the long way, transferring to the Blue Line at Jackson.

Wandering in Wicker Park

The Girl went back to camp today. I had planned to take The Boy and The Tot to Des Plaines' Choo-Choo Cafe, but after reading several Yelp reviews that panned the restaurant, I abandoned the plan. I went in a different direction to achieve the same end: a train ride and lunch.

So we took the L to Wicker Park -- The Tot was both excited and mildly freaked out by the train -- and bummed around. I completely forgot that nothing in Wicker Park really opens before 11 a.m. and it started to rain just as we exited the Damen station, so going to the playground was out. We got coffee and pastry (and cupcakes, for The Boy and The Tot) at Red Hen Bread and had just started to wander aimlessly when The Boy and I remembered that Wicker Park is the site of The Boring Store. So we trekked down Milwaukee to go to the store, but discovered that it opened even later than the rest of Wicker Park.

Back down Milwaukee to kill more time, we stopped into Urban Outfitters, one of the only stores open at the normal retail hour of 10 a.m. I tried on skinny jeans and decided they look ridiculous on someone my age. The Tot wanted to walk upstairs, so we did and looked at the tchotckes there. Then we had lunch at Penny's Noodles at The Boy's request, and went back to The Boring Store.

One of a Kind

Yesterday, Cara and Grace came into the city; we all headed down to one of my favorite Chicago buildings (and I say this every year*), the Merchandise Mart, to attend our friend Melissa's booth at the One of a Kind Show and Sale. We had gone (without the girls) last year, but it was a Saturday and much busier. This year, whether due to the weather (freezing!), the economy or something else, it was much quieter. We both bought beautiful chainmail necklaces from Rapt in Maille for ourselves, and cute wooden necklaces from Steinvika Designs for Gracie, Lily, and The Girl. I also picked up a pair of lobster-style mittens from Zola Jones Designs. The Girl had been getting over a cold and The Tot was past naptime, so we were pretty much done after a quick cruise around the booths surrounding Melissa's booth.

Before we headed up to the 8th floor, we stopped into Au Bon Pain for lunch. We arrived just before the lunch rush, thank goodness, as the crowd of well-heeled designers was not happy to see two moms and three little kids invade their space.

After we were done shopping, Cara and Gracie headed back to the car, and The Girl, The Tot, and I got on the L. The Girl was decidedly not happy about taking the train, but managed to calm down for a bit once we boarded the Brown Line, taking it the long way around the Loop to the Blue Line station at Clark/Lake. It turns out that The Girl was having one of her occasional (usually) crowd-related panic attacks about taking public transportation, despite the fact that the trains were not at all crowded. The Tot rode in the stroller (and fell asleep) and I held The Girl in my arms and managed to soothe her public transportation anxiety this time.

The Dad, who was working from home, very nicely came to get us at the station. We all headed over to school to pick up The Boy, then headed home.


*Maybe I will remember this next year when I am looking for a good (indoor) Chicago backdrop for our holiday card photograph.

Choo-Choo Train

It occurred to me recently that as I pass through the viaduct under the L and Kennedy Expressway every day -- even multiple times each day -- I really ought to take The Tot and/or The Girl on it and go somewhere. Today, we did.

After dropping The Boy and The Girl off at school this morning, The Tot and I rode the blue line four stops southeast to Logan Square. Unlike his older brother at a similar age, The Tot found the train to be a very curious thing -- although he much enjoyed his train-platform-view of the cars stuck in traffic on the eastbound Kennedy at 9 a.m. this morning.

It only took us about 10 minutes to get to Logan Square, so we had a lot of time to kill before our destination -- The Gap Outlet -- opened at 10 a.m. I took him into Pierre's Bakery for a cookie and some coffee. We were pretty much the only boolays in there. I ordered a cherry empanada, but they had a huge selection of traditional Mexican/Latin American pastry. I want to go back to try a concha, which a man was selecting just as I was leaving -- he said that they are great. We sat at a table near the bank of windows looking onto Milwaukee Avenue to eat our snack.

At 10, we headed up to Gap Outlet. I needed to return a sweater for The Dad; the sales assistant gave me a hard time about it, mistaking the natural flubs in the knit for dirt, missing the (still attached) tags, and claiming it had been worn. She did take it back, but said she'd "damage" it out. It wasn't damaged, but whatever. It was annoying. I did try on two pairs of jeans at the recommendation of the merchandiser who happened to be in the store today, although I didn't get either. The straight legs were too low in the waist (mama of three needs something to keep in that stretched out middle) and the flare legs were too much like the jeans I already own (for which I paid $4 at the Treasure Store).

We finished up and walked back to the L stop at Spaulding, stopping along the way at one of the miscellaneous cheap-junk/household goods shops. I got a pair of tweezers for less than $1 and a resolve to go back next time I need glass canisters for anything. Except for some large die-cast cars, the toys and baby gear were crap, but they had a decent (and cheap) selection of kitchen goods.

After we got back to our neighborhood (The Tot was the object of attention from several of our co-riders on the L), we capped off the morning with a round of swing at the playground before picking The Girl up from preschool.