I've never really thought my parenting "style" or outlook was very different than the norms for my age, socioeconomic group or educational background. Sure, I made some parenting decisions that were a bit different than the national norms (cloth diapering, breastfeeding beyond 3 months) and even familial ones (ahem, circumcision). But after nearly two years on NPN, an active paid community of Chicago(land) parents, I've come to the conclusion that my point of view on parenting topics, especially as they relate to child safety, is outside the norm.
My neighbor, an avid reader of the same site, recently congratulated me on my status as "worst mother in America," as judged by our fellow NPN mothers. I leave my children in the (non-running, locked) car for less than 10 minutes while I drop off my dry-cleaning, pick up their sibling from a playdate at a friend's house, and even when I desperately need a caffeine shot at my local Starbucks. My opponents contend that such practices are dangerous. Something could happen to the car while I am gone. "Something"could happen to the car while I am in it.
Don't misunderstand me: I am not a risk-taker by nature, and I am utterly horrified by violence or abuse to a child (or anyone). I've been fortunate not to have experienced it firsthand, and that may guide my perspective. But I refuse to live in fear and I don't want to make my children unnecessarily anxious either. I have not yet read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear; I understand that his point is that you should trust the sense of fear or uneasiness you get about some people or situations. I totally understand that, and think it makes sense. But I refuse to look for it, especially in situations where it may not be there.
Recently, two separate NPN posts asked about related issues: how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the restroom in a public place, such as Target? And how long can you take your opposite-sex child with you into the locker room at the pool? Note that the questions were worded in this way, which suggests that this behavior (taking opposite-sex child with you) is desired, versus the way I would have asked them: At what age is it OK to allow your opposite-sex child to use the restroom in a public place and/or use the opposite-sex change room?
The prevailing view on NPN was that it's OK until your boy is age 9. Nine? Are they kidding? That's the same age that Lenore Skenazy's son was when she left him at a Manhattan Bloomingdale's with $20 and a subway map.
The Boy is 8. He's been peeing at the local Target since he was 6. And I've been saying the same thing every time he goes in: don't talk to anyone, don't let anyone touch you and scream like hell if someone tries to touch you. No one ever has.
While stories like this one are frightening, I wish more parents would take it for what it is: fear-mongering. Yes, it happened and yes it was horrible, but it's also exceedingly rare (or statistically insignificant) for children to be molested by strangers (in a bathroom or otherwise). The data does not support the idea that something was likely to happen to The Boy today when we found ourselves at the end of an L ride in the Thompson Center with full bladders and a cross-town appointment in 10 minutes. While using the restroom in the basement of the Thompson Center has never been my top restroom destination, you get what you get sometimes. Our experience bore out the stats: no problems.
What do you think? How tight should we keep the reins on our children? Is the risk of harm greater for city kids? Does it depend on where in the city?
Showing posts with label L. Show all posts
Showing posts with label L. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, December 06, 2008
One of a Kind
Yesterday, Cara and Grace came into the city; we all headed down to one of my favorite Chicago buildings (and I say this every year*), the Merchandise Mart, to attend our friend Melissa's booth at the One of a Kind Show and Sale. We had gone (without the girls) last year, but it was a Saturday and much busier. This year, whether due to the weather (freezing!), the economy or something else, it was much quieter. We both bought beautiful chainmail necklaces from Rapt in Maille for ourselves, and cute wooden necklaces from Steinvika Designs for Gracie, Lily, and The Girl. I also picked up a pair of lobster-style mittens from Zola Jones Designs. The Girl had been getting over a cold and The Tot was past naptime, so we were pretty much done after a quick cruise around the booths surrounding Melissa's booth.
Before we headed up to the 8th floor, we stopped into Au Bon Pain for lunch. We arrived just before the lunch rush, thank goodness, as the crowd of well-heeled designers was not happy to see two moms and three little kids invade their space.
After we were done shopping, Cara and Gracie headed back to the car, and The Girl, The Tot, and I got on the L. The Girl was decidedly not happy about taking the train, but managed to calm down for a bit once we boarded the Brown Line, taking it the long way around the Loop to the Blue Line station at Clark/Lake. It turns out that The Girl was having one of her occasional (usually) crowd-related panic attacks about taking public transportation, despite the fact that the trains were not at all crowded. The Tot rode in the stroller (and fell asleep) and I held The Girl in my arms and managed to soothe her public transportation anxiety this time.
The Dad, who was working from home, very nicely came to get us at the station. We all headed over to school to pick up The Boy, then headed home.
*Maybe I will remember this next year when I am looking for a good (indoor) Chicago backdrop for our holiday card photograph.
Before we headed up to the 8th floor, we stopped into Au Bon Pain for lunch. We arrived just before the lunch rush, thank goodness, as the crowd of well-heeled designers was not happy to see two moms and three little kids invade their space.
After we were done shopping, Cara and Gracie headed back to the car, and The Girl, The Tot, and I got on the L. The Girl was decidedly not happy about taking the train, but managed to calm down for a bit once we boarded the Brown Line, taking it the long way around the Loop to the Blue Line station at Clark/Lake. It turns out that The Girl was having one of her occasional (usually) crowd-related panic attacks about taking public transportation, despite the fact that the trains were not at all crowded. The Tot rode in the stroller (and fell asleep) and I held The Girl in my arms and managed to soothe her public transportation anxiety this time.
The Dad, who was working from home, very nicely came to get us at the station. We all headed over to school to pick up The Boy, then headed home.
*Maybe I will remember this next year when I am looking for a good (indoor) Chicago backdrop for our holiday card photograph.
Monday, November 03, 2008
I am not a tourist
...but going downtown makes me happy. Today was a Football Sunday, which meant The Dad took The Boy, The Girl, and The Tot out to the suburbs to watch the Bears' game and play with their cousins. I had the afternoon to myself. So I did what I used to love doing in the days before I had children: I went shopping.
I took the bus eastward and transferred to the Red Line. Rode the Red Line down to Chicago Avenue. The Dad bought me an iPod Nano last year for my birthday, but I use it so infrequently that I didn't have it charged. Also, I must confess that after listening to non-stop chatter whenever I go anywhere with my children, it's nice to listen to the regular city sounds of the bus, the train, etc. when I am using public transportation. I suppose if I still commuted everyday, I'd want to shut out the sounds of the world and listen to music or audio books, but for as rare as a solo trip on the bus/L is for me these days, I am just as content to do the Trib's Sunday crossword puzzle during the 1 hour trip from my house to 900 North Michigan Avenue.
Although I had been feeling under-the-weather this weekend, the 4-block walk to my destination was envigorating. I love Chicago all the time, but it was especially beautiful today with the warm, sunny weather and fall foilage. There were tourists pushing strollers, peaceful demonstrators handing out pamphlets about Palestine and Israel, suburban moms with big hair and shopping bags, and impatient hipsters in low-top Cons and skinny jeans.
My destination within the Bloomies building was this store; with my nursing days nearly behind me, I'm ready for a change. Ten minutes and $200 later, I was ready for lunch. I browsed in Williams-Sonoma for a bit (I'm lusting after the 3.5-qt Le Creuset dutch oven), got a not-very-good, overpriced sandwich from the coffee bar on the first floor, and walked across the street to Water Tower Place.
I hadn't realized that American Girl Place had moved from its old digs on Chicago Avenue to the northwest corner of WTP. It was cute to see all the girls and their dolls. I've never been inside the store, but I've heard that it's crazy inside. When The Girl was a baby, I was dreading the inevitable trip to AG to buy a doll and have tea. Now that she's getting closer to the age when I might get her a doll, I think it might be fun to take her to AG on a weekday outside of the holiday season.
When I was in junior high school, WTP felt like the destination along the Mag Mile. Back then, there weren't as many flagship stores and there certainly weren't as many shopping centers along Michigan Avenue as there are now. I remember when getting safari t-shirts at Banana Republic was all the rage; the store is still in the same space -- all airy and modern with signs announcing its 30th anniversary. When I looked at it, I could see a closed-in space with fake palm trees and bush props from 20 years ago in my mind's eye. The rest of WTP looks the same as it did in 1988 (all chrome and glass and glare).
As part of my self-improvement day, I went to Sephora to pretty up my face. I have never been a make-up girl, although I've made various essays over the years. Another random memory: going to the Estee Lauder counter at Marshall Field's on State Street when I was 13 or so. I ended up with a 4-product combination that I think I can get on my face every morning, and left a happy, tired woman.
I stopped at the world's stuffiest Starbucks on Chicago Avenue for an iced tea on the way back to the L. I took the more direct route home: the Red Line to Washington to the Blue Line and back home.
I took the bus eastward and transferred to the Red Line. Rode the Red Line down to Chicago Avenue. The Dad bought me an iPod Nano last year for my birthday, but I use it so infrequently that I didn't have it charged. Also, I must confess that after listening to non-stop chatter whenever I go anywhere with my children, it's nice to listen to the regular city sounds of the bus, the train, etc. when I am using public transportation. I suppose if I still commuted everyday, I'd want to shut out the sounds of the world and listen to music or audio books, but for as rare as a solo trip on the bus/L is for me these days, I am just as content to do the Trib's Sunday crossword puzzle during the 1 hour trip from my house to 900 North Michigan Avenue.
Although I had been feeling under-the-weather this weekend, the 4-block walk to my destination was envigorating. I love Chicago all the time, but it was especially beautiful today with the warm, sunny weather and fall foilage. There were tourists pushing strollers, peaceful demonstrators handing out pamphlets about Palestine and Israel, suburban moms with big hair and shopping bags, and impatient hipsters in low-top Cons and skinny jeans.
My destination within the Bloomies building was this store; with my nursing days nearly behind me, I'm ready for a change. Ten minutes and $200 later, I was ready for lunch. I browsed in Williams-Sonoma for a bit (I'm lusting after the 3.5-qt Le Creuset dutch oven), got a not-very-good, overpriced sandwich from the coffee bar on the first floor, and walked across the street to Water Tower Place.
I hadn't realized that American Girl Place had moved from its old digs on Chicago Avenue to the northwest corner of WTP. It was cute to see all the girls and their dolls. I've never been inside the store, but I've heard that it's crazy inside. When The Girl was a baby, I was dreading the inevitable trip to AG to buy a doll and have tea. Now that she's getting closer to the age when I might get her a doll, I think it might be fun to take her to AG on a weekday outside of the holiday season.
When I was in junior high school, WTP felt like the destination along the Mag Mile. Back then, there weren't as many flagship stores and there certainly weren't as many shopping centers along Michigan Avenue as there are now. I remember when getting safari t-shirts at Banana Republic was all the rage; the store is still in the same space -- all airy and modern with signs announcing its 30th anniversary. When I looked at it, I could see a closed-in space with fake palm trees and bush props from 20 years ago in my mind's eye. The rest of WTP looks the same as it did in 1988 (all chrome and glass and glare).
As part of my self-improvement day, I went to Sephora to pretty up my face. I have never been a make-up girl, although I've made various essays over the years. Another random memory: going to the Estee Lauder counter at Marshall Field's on State Street when I was 13 or so. I ended up with a 4-product combination that I think I can get on my face every morning, and left a happy, tired woman.
I stopped at the world's stuffiest Starbucks on Chicago Avenue for an iced tea on the way back to the L. I took the more direct route home: the Red Line to Washington to the Blue Line and back home.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Choo-Choo Train
It occurred to me recently that as I pass through the viaduct under the L and Kennedy Expressway every day -- even multiple times each day -- I really ought to take The Tot and/or The Girl on it and go somewhere. Today, we did.
After dropping The Boy and The Girl off at school this morning, The Tot and I rode the blue line four stops southeast to Logan Square. Unlike his older brother at a similar age, The Tot found the train to be a very curious thing -- although he much enjoyed his train-platform-view of the cars stuck in traffic on the eastbound Kennedy at 9 a.m. this morning.
It only took us about 10 minutes to get to Logan Square, so we had a lot of time to kill before our destination -- The Gap Outlet -- opened at 10 a.m. I took him into Pierre's Bakery for a cookie and some coffee. We were pretty much the only boolays in there. I ordered a cherry empanada, but they had a huge selection of traditional Mexican/Latin American pastry. I want to go back to try a concha, which a man was selecting just as I was leaving -- he said that they are great. We sat at a table near the bank of windows looking onto Milwaukee Avenue to eat our snack.
At 10, we headed up to Gap Outlet. I needed to return a sweater for The Dad; the sales assistant gave me a hard time about it, mistaking the natural flubs in the knit for dirt, missing the (still attached) tags, and claiming it had been worn. She did take it back, but said she'd "damage" it out. It wasn't damaged, but whatever. It was annoying. I did try on two pairs of jeans at the recommendation of the merchandiser who happened to be in the store today, although I didn't get either. The straight legs were too low in the waist (mama of three needs something to keep in that stretched out middle) and the flare legs were too much like the jeans I already own (for which I paid $4 at the Treasure Store).
We finished up and walked back to the L stop at Spaulding, stopping along the way at one of the miscellaneous cheap-junk/household goods shops. I got a pair of tweezers for less than $1 and a resolve to go back next time I need glass canisters for anything. Except for some large die-cast cars, the toys and baby gear were crap, but they had a decent (and cheap) selection of kitchen goods.
After we got back to our neighborhood (The Tot was the object of attention from several of our co-riders on the L), we capped off the morning with a round of swing at the playground before picking The Girl up from preschool.
After dropping The Boy and The Girl off at school this morning, The Tot and I rode the blue line four stops southeast to Logan Square. Unlike his older brother at a similar age, The Tot found the train to be a very curious thing -- although he much enjoyed his train-platform-view of the cars stuck in traffic on the eastbound Kennedy at 9 a.m. this morning.
It only took us about 10 minutes to get to Logan Square, so we had a lot of time to kill before our destination -- The Gap Outlet -- opened at 10 a.m. I took him into Pierre's Bakery for a cookie and some coffee. We were pretty much the only boolays in there. I ordered a cherry empanada, but they had a huge selection of traditional Mexican/Latin American pastry. I want to go back to try a concha, which a man was selecting just as I was leaving -- he said that they are great. We sat at a table near the bank of windows looking onto Milwaukee Avenue to eat our snack.
At 10, we headed up to Gap Outlet. I needed to return a sweater for The Dad; the sales assistant gave me a hard time about it, mistaking the natural flubs in the knit for dirt, missing the (still attached) tags, and claiming it had been worn. She did take it back, but said she'd "damage" it out. It wasn't damaged, but whatever. It was annoying. I did try on two pairs of jeans at the recommendation of the merchandiser who happened to be in the store today, although I didn't get either. The straight legs were too low in the waist (mama of three needs something to keep in that stretched out middle) and the flare legs were too much like the jeans I already own (for which I paid $4 at the Treasure Store).
We finished up and walked back to the L stop at Spaulding, stopping along the way at one of the miscellaneous cheap-junk/household goods shops. I got a pair of tweezers for less than $1 and a resolve to go back next time I need glass canisters for anything. Except for some large die-cast cars, the toys and baby gear were crap, but they had a decent (and cheap) selection of kitchen goods.
After we got back to our neighborhood (The Tot was the object of attention from several of our co-riders on the L), we capped off the morning with a round of swing at the playground before picking The Girl up from preschool.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Mission Aborted
That was a disaster. A friend once said about life with two kids: "Some days work, some days don't." Unfortunately, today wasn't a day that worked.
We ran errands in the morning--the Recycling Center in North Park Village, Family Fruit Market to re-stock the empty larder--with the promise that after The Tot's nap, I'd take everyone on the train downtown to see The Dad's office.
It was a non-starter. We ran to catch (and missed) the L, which freaked The Girl out. She had one of her signature panic attacks: crying, trembling, and refusal of the usual comfort measures. Poor love. I tried to get her to calm down as much as I was able, but it was difficult with the noise of the highway, trying to keep The Tot from going over the edge of the platform, and reining in The Boy's bossiness. The Girl's panic ebbed a bit once we got on a south-bound train, but started again as soon as we descended into the tunnel at Belmont. She asked to go home repeatedly.
What could I do?
We got off the train at Logan Square and waited for the next north-bound train. The Boy plead with The Girl not to be scared, but it was no use. Going back home was not a happy decision for The Boy; on the 3-stop train ride back to Irving Park, I had two crying kids in place of the one I had previously. The Girl was still freaking out about the train ride and The Boy was upset that we turned around. It was the longest 10-minute train ride of my life as everyone in the car around us turned to stare.
By the time I got them all home, I was so tired that I admit to using the TV as entertainment/babysitter. I plopped them all in front of Scooby-Doo on HBO so that we could all recover. The Dad ended up working late, so I had them all in bed by 7 p.m.
We ran errands in the morning--the Recycling Center in North Park Village, Family Fruit Market to re-stock the empty larder--with the promise that after The Tot's nap, I'd take everyone on the train downtown to see The Dad's office.
It was a non-starter. We ran to catch (and missed) the L, which freaked The Girl out. She had one of her signature panic attacks: crying, trembling, and refusal of the usual comfort measures. Poor love. I tried to get her to calm down as much as I was able, but it was difficult with the noise of the highway, trying to keep The Tot from going over the edge of the platform, and reining in The Boy's bossiness. The Girl's panic ebbed a bit once we got on a south-bound train, but started again as soon as we descended into the tunnel at Belmont. She asked to go home repeatedly.
What could I do?
We got off the train at Logan Square and waited for the next north-bound train. The Boy plead with The Girl not to be scared, but it was no use. Going back home was not a happy decision for The Boy; on the 3-stop train ride back to Irving Park, I had two crying kids in place of the one I had previously. The Girl was still freaking out about the train ride and The Boy was upset that we turned around. It was the longest 10-minute train ride of my life as everyone in the car around us turned to stare.
By the time I got them all home, I was so tired that I admit to using the TV as entertainment/babysitter. I plopped them all in front of Scooby-Doo on HBO so that we could all recover. The Dad ended up working late, so I had them all in bed by 7 p.m.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sundays with The Boy
Last summer, I was pretty good about getting one-on-one time with The Boy. Time and scheduling conflicts have interfered with my "Sundays with The Boy" plan, but I am able to sneak in a few dates with my boy. Thanks to Grandma Naperville, who came in to spend today and tomorrow with us while The Dad is in Cali, I was able to do so this afternoon.
We went to the 2008 Chicago Air & Water Show to watch the Red Baron do loop-de-loops and an F/A-18 buzz the beach. Despite the fact that the Air Show is the military's recruiting tool and propaganda, I am a sucker for it. I blame it entirely on being a midshipman's daughter; I grew up sailing on Lake Michigan and watching the air show every year.
The Girl emphatically did not want to see the airplanes and I feared that the engine noise would scare The Tot, so The Boy and I left them behind with Grandma and hopped the L to Oak Street Beach. The Boy insisted on holding my hand the entire trip down there, which is uncharacteristic for him. It was very hot on the beach when we got there, but we managed to find a place on the concrete step to sit down, and later, a bench in the shade. We stayed for about an hour before The Boy decided that he had seen enough and asked to return home.
On the walk back to Chicago Avenue, I stopped in H&M to look at some pants for The Girl. It made us a bit late, so we cabbed over to the blue line. The Boy was very excited to take a taxicab ride. We normally do not take cabs with the kids because of the carseat issue, but I felt safer with him in a cab today than I did when I had to take The Tot with me in one to the hospital last year.
The Boy was pretty tired by the time we got home; I carried him on my back for part of the walk back to our house.
We went to the 2008 Chicago Air & Water Show to watch the Red Baron do loop-de-loops and an F/A-18 buzz the beach. Despite the fact that the Air Show is the military's recruiting tool and propaganda, I am a sucker for it. I blame it entirely on being a midshipman's daughter; I grew up sailing on Lake Michigan and watching the air show every year.
The Girl emphatically did not want to see the airplanes and I feared that the engine noise would scare The Tot, so The Boy and I left them behind with Grandma and hopped the L to Oak Street Beach. The Boy insisted on holding my hand the entire trip down there, which is uncharacteristic for him. It was very hot on the beach when we got there, but we managed to find a place on the concrete step to sit down, and later, a bench in the shade. We stayed for about an hour before The Boy decided that he had seen enough and asked to return home.
On the walk back to Chicago Avenue, I stopped in H&M to look at some pants for The Girl. It made us a bit late, so we cabbed over to the blue line. The Boy was very excited to take a taxicab ride. We normally do not take cabs with the kids because of the carseat issue, but I felt safer with him in a cab today than I did when I had to take The Tot with me in one to the hospital last year.
The Boy was pretty tired by the time we got home; I carried him on my back for part of the walk back to our house.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Mom's Night Out
A mom needs a night out every once in awhile. Last night, I got the chance. And it was with the childless! Which was both good (real conversation!) and bad (what to talk about?!). The occasion for last night's outing was my college friend Matt's 35th birthday; I met him and our friends Melissa and Andy at Kamehachi on Wells in Old Town.
It was a warm (but not hot) evening, so I took the train. I ran into Matt just outside the station, so we walked over together. Melissa and Andy did the same thing, and they met us about 20 minutes later outside the restaurant. I don't know if we can thank the price of gas, the weather, a collective interest in public transit, or the pain-in-the-ass factor of parking in Old Town, but we all took public transit last night.
I am not generally a fan of sushi, or Japanese food in general, so I had never been to Kamehachi before. Matt loves their sushi, and it probably is very good, but I was not particularly impressed with my experience. They sat our party of four outside on the airless, covered patio. I got a salad, a stiff drink served in a pretty martini glass (that the waitress took away before it was empty), and the Chilean Sea Bass. I had asked the waitress whether it was better grilled or marinated/baked and she recommended the baked version. It's unlikely that I will be back, but I think I should have overruled her and gone with my instinct, which was for the grilled version.
After dinner, we walked around the corner to the Old Town Ale House, which I found very charming. It reminded me vaguely of both Murphy's, our old hangout at the University of Illinois, and a Paris bar. It was a very laid-back, unassuming crowd. I was surprised to find such an establishment in the current Old Town. But I would definitely go there again.
I buggered off around 11:30 or so, as I still had a 40-minute train ride ahead of me and needed to get my tired old bones to bed. I owe everyone a round. It was raining and chilly by the time I caught the L home. I had to get off at the library and walk a bit to change trains if I didn't want to take the red line the long way around the Loop, but it was all OK. There were a few drunk law students asking me where the library was; um, I don't know, follow the signs. I am not your mother. I'm off-duty.
It was a warm (but not hot) evening, so I took the train. I ran into Matt just outside the station, so we walked over together. Melissa and Andy did the same thing, and they met us about 20 minutes later outside the restaurant. I don't know if we can thank the price of gas, the weather, a collective interest in public transit, or the pain-in-the-ass factor of parking in Old Town, but we all took public transit last night.
I am not generally a fan of sushi, or Japanese food in general, so I had never been to Kamehachi before. Matt loves their sushi, and it probably is very good, but I was not particularly impressed with my experience. They sat our party of four outside on the airless, covered patio. I got a salad, a stiff drink served in a pretty martini glass (that the waitress took away before it was empty), and the Chilean Sea Bass. I had asked the waitress whether it was better grilled or marinated/baked and she recommended the baked version. It's unlikely that I will be back, but I think I should have overruled her and gone with my instinct, which was for the grilled version.
After dinner, we walked around the corner to the Old Town Ale House, which I found very charming. It reminded me vaguely of both Murphy's, our old hangout at the University of Illinois, and a Paris bar. It was a very laid-back, unassuming crowd. I was surprised to find such an establishment in the current Old Town. But I would definitely go there again.
I buggered off around 11:30 or so, as I still had a 40-minute train ride ahead of me and needed to get my tired old bones to bed. I owe everyone a round. It was raining and chilly by the time I caught the L home. I had to get off at the library and walk a bit to change trains if I didn't want to take the red line the long way around the Loop, but it was all OK. There were a few drunk law students asking me where the library was; um, I don't know, follow the signs. I am not your mother. I'm off-duty.
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